Breathing....Easier Than It Seems

Seems like there are so many things happening and so quickly as well.....not just in my life but in the lives of many around me.  I am heartsick when I think about the storms of life that some of my friends are currently facing.  Then my emotions swing toward being curious about what the future will bring for a loved one.  


Not sure exactly when the following first started, maybe it is just a part of everyday life, but I found myself actually NOT breathing for a moment today.  Weird, huh? I was at work and a customer was upset about the price of a gallon of paint that she had ordered.  Her main reason for being upset was that she had purchased the same type of paint over two years ago and paid $12 less per gallon.  I was breathing as I explained that due to the price increase of raw materials, the price increased seven times last year.  She yelled back a reply that honestly I cannot repeat, and that is when it happened.  I stopped breathing! She continued to yell at me and I stood there frozen, still and not breathing at all.  She stormed out and I was left standing there with a tinted gallon of paint that she refused to purchase.  As I was processing exactly what had just happened, it hit me.  An "ah-ha" moment in which I realized that I had stopped breathing in order for the Lord to speak to my heart and stop a response that would have been less than perfect (from a customer service standpoint....or from His standpoint, more importantly).  


See, there was a time in my life when I could completely stop myself from crying.  Yes, hard to imagine that if you know me well these days.  Seriously though, when I was younger, if I began to cry and someone made fun of me for it or teased me about it, I could simply hold my breath for a moment and instantly and completely stop the cry.  It used to really make my dad upset when I decided to do this little "trick" in the middle of a spanking!  What had changed about this fact in my life?  What happened that now when I cry, I can hardly contain myself?  I know that it is the Lord in me.  He is allowing me to release all the pent up tears from years of suppression.  


Now back to the breathing.  At times when I am attacked and I don't fight back, I tend to retreat.  It is sad but true of me...you get one or the other response.  This is when I stop breathing; a signal much like the calm before a storm.  Today, the Lord taught me that when I am in that moment of panic while being bombarded with the words of an angry person, I tend to hold my breath and inwardly I retreat.  Typically, I then retaliate with a few words of my own toward the person that is screaming at me.  Today though, what was the difference?


Just as the Lord restored my tears from the hurts of my past, so He allowed me to stop breathing long enough today...not to catch me breath before retaliating...but to allow me time to be scooped up under his wings of comfort and protection.  Safe under His wings, I am able to "take" whatever verbal bashing that comes my way.  This has happened to me before, but today, I really stopped to ponder it all.  Amazing what I can discover about the Lord when I allow Him to speak to me in a vulnerable moment and allow Him to show me a bit of myself that needs some repair of some sort.  


Just when I begin to think back about where I came from and "how far I have come" since meeting Jesus as Savior, I hold my breath again and remember, that He is the Giver of ever breath I take.....as well as those I hold when prompted by Him.  Hmmm......learning about myself while learning more about Him and discovering, truthfully, just how far away from Him I am at any given moment......(holding my breath again).  Brings new meaning to the words, "So close, but yet so far."  


If you find yourself frozen, still and afraid of whatever you are afraid of, I urge you to take a moment, hold you breath and allow the Lord to breathe new life into you today.  You will be refreshed in a way that only He can.