Like I've Nothing to Give....

....ever feel that way?  Well, I have felt that way for some time now.  Seems like every time I turn around, the Lord is requiring that I give up a bit more of me.  Realizing that this is what is required to become more like Him, I still often struggle with giving up the secret inner things that keep me from Him.  Wanting to be a person who obeys Him, I will give it up when He asks, but I struggle for a bit before coming to that point of complete surrender in that particular area of my heart.

For instance, the Lord has been asking me to forgive others who inquire about my children's current state of rebellion and then offer advice...when in fact they do not even know what we have been through over the past 6 years or so.  They cannot understand the depth of heartache and pain, because for the most part we have keep our struggles ever before the Lord...and only occasionally present them openly to others.  Then there are those who have judged us....questioned our parenting "skills".....doubted our faith.....pointed fingers.....and even said to my face, "I pray daily that I never have to go through THAT with my child (children)."  My heart sinks when I hear things like this.  How my heart has longed to hear instead, "I pray daily for your children."

I have learned over this season of my life that God is more than able to uphold me with His mighty right hand.  He is more than willing to show me how to love beyond what I see....just as He does with me, really.  He, yes HE, knows the plans that He has for my children.....even when all else says otherwise, I choose to believe the truth of what He has shown me.

Was it really a coincident (of course, I believe it was was God's predestined plan) that so many years ago when I was pregnant with my son, that it was THEN that the Lord gave me the life verse for bringing up my children?  Jeremiah 29:11 is something that I prayed over them before they were born and literally almost daily since their births.  As of late, it is something that the Lord has sung over me as I have had to watch both of my children make some life choices that cause pain and hurt in so many ways.  HE is faithful....HE loves unconditionally....HE knows the secret pain that I hold in my heart and have to nearly daily release to Him, over and over and over again.

Prayer is not the least we can do...it is the MOST we can do.  For in praying, we are giving up once again that which we never really had in the first place.  Anything that is ours....was His first and is His still.  Even children are not ours...they too are His.  He gives them to us for a time to raise in the best manner we can....... and that is what we did.  Of course we have regrets for how we may have handled things in the past, of course we have questioned ourselves....I have even asked God, "Are you sure you wanted me to be a parent?  I kinda suck at this in case you hadn't noticed!"  He simply reminds me that He knows the plans he has for Zach and He knows the plans He has for Alyssa.  None of this is a surprise to Him...He has not once been caught off guard throughout ALL of this.  I have learned to release ALL things to Him as He asks and to rely completely and totally on Him for ALL.

Just as He asked Moses so long ago, He has asked of me, "Is there a limit to my power?"  The way in which I answer this question, each time it is asked of me...when doubts creep in, when people talk, when others question my abilities, etc etc.....THAT is what He is concerned with.  Do I really believe that He CAN change things?  That He can move in the lives of the ones I love that seem so very, very far from Him at this time?  When my heart is in the right place within Him and His will for my life, the answer is always, "No Lord. There is no limit to your power.  I believe that."  Other times, I struggle a bit with an occasional, "But...".  He is quick to ask again, "Is there a limit to my power?"  Sometimes it takes a bit of time in prayer to move my heart in the right direction, but really....isn't that what faith is all about?  Trusting when I cannot see what is coming next?  He is more than able to do far and above all that I can imagine....so maybe at times of doubt, I need to imagine a bit bigger than I have been and ask myself, "What areas do I put a limit on God's power in my life?"  It has been a eye-open experience to ask Him to reveal to me those area that I need to release to Him....trust Him in.

Praying for you today that He would help you to answer that question as well. He is asking you today, "Is there a limit to my power?"  If your answer, like mine, is "But...", I pray that you would release that to Him and find comfort in knowing that there really is no limit to His power.  I look forward to hearing from some of you as to what it is that He reveals to you as you release more and more of your heart and life to Him.  Blessings!