"Have Faith"

Confusion and disruption

My heart is all askew

Turned upside down and inside out

Not knowing what to say or do!

My heart is a mess, Lord

What then shall I do?

It's hurting and aching

And longing for You.

But you seem distant

Far, far out of view

I cannot feel You near me

Let alone see a glimpse of You.

"Have faith", my dear child

I faint can hear You say

So through prayer I talk with you

Every night and every day.

There I pour out my thoughts

My concerns and feelings too

Having faith that You are listening...

That You'll tell me what to do.

Yet I feel and hear nothing

No response from You

This, in my heart, is how I feel

Yet I know that You are true.

True to Your children

And true to Your Word

so, I press in a bit closer

Is that really You I just heard?

Sometimes I feel You

Sometimes I hear You

Sometimes I am just lonely

Wondering what I should do.

Faith is a mystery

A gift from You to me

Embracing it completely

Sets me completely free.

So with teary eyes and openness

My heart to You fully exposed

I come to You, My Father,

This mess now to dispose.

Fully, You welcome me

Taking me in Your arms

This is the only place I'm safe

Completely free of harm.

The answers are not here just yet,

The ones that plague my heart

But I know that when I come to You

You are faithful to do Your part.

Loving me, and teaching me

Holding me against Your chest

Knowing You see the bigger picture

And will take care of all the rest.

Will I do this? Will I trust?

Once again will I seek your face?

Or will I simply push You out

And let worry occupy Your space?

Face to the floor, I cry out again

Once again seeking Your embrace

Knowing that You are faithful

To wipe all of the tears from my face.

Knowing You are with me

Is a comfort for my heart

So I come to You and cry to You

Knowing You'll give me a new start.

Refreshed and feeling better

I scarce can leave this place

For fear of having to once again

Be left with this life to face.

"Have faith, Dear one. Be not dismayed"

You whisper in my ear

And that is when I know for sure

That it is my Father that I hear!

Thank You, Lord for loving me

And helping me make it through

A rough time, a hard time..for they are

Simply times I'm brought to You!

Head up, eyes up

And heart lift up too

I am ready to face the hardships

For through faith all things lead to You!

This is a poem I wrote during a difficult time of seeking the Lord for an answer to some questions I have had to face over the course of the past few years. Not knowing what the answers were to be, and being unable to discuss my heartache with anyone who might "understand", I was forced to seek the Lord as never before.

Night after night and day after day, I have been seeking Him with the heartache that doesn't seem to subside. With each step along the way, He has shown me that He is more than faithful.............He is the Faithful One. He is the Protector of Hearts, He is the One Who Comforts like no other, He is the Wiper of Tears, the Holder of Hearts and the Mighty and Faithful Father that loves me more than I can think or imagine. He was there for me on so many occasions when I knew He was there.........and He was present during times when I didn't realize He was with me. He has taken me down paths that I know without Him would have ruined me. He has prepared my heart at times and at other times, He has protected it. He is the One who sees it all, but loves me enough to only show me bits and pieces along the way as to not overwhelm me from the sheer greatness of what is to come from the tragedy I may soon be facing.

Throughout these past few years of struggles and trials, He has shown Himself True! As I think back, I cannot help but ask myself, "Knowing what I know today, if I had it to do these past few years all over again....would I?" First response, the answer is......"Um, probably not!" But then again, as I dig deeper within myself for a deeper answer and I am totally honest before Him, I can say....."No". Why? Because then I would have missed out on this opportunity to grow in Him like never before. Yes, I would have liked to have spared the heartache that all of this has caused in the lives of those I hold dear, I would have to say that these struggles and situations have made all of us stronger. Dale and I have had our faith tested, our nerves wracked and on some levels, it seemed all hope was dashed. But together and individually, the Lord has been and continues to show us that He is here! He is in the middle of all of this struggle, strife and heartache. He is still Lord in this home....still wanting my children to repent and seek Him once again as they once did. And I can now say with all honest that I have hope that He is not finished with us all yet! Until our last breath on this earth, each one of us makes a moment by moment decision to follow Him or not. As for me, I choose Him! As for my house, I am prayerfully saying "We will serve the Lord." Maybe not all of us at this moment, maybe not all of us this day.....but my hope, my prayers and my faith are placed completely with Him. That even when we aren't faithful....He is.