Moments of......

Beginning a new Beth Moore Bible study is never something that I completely 100% look forward to. The "work" part of the homework.......that's one thing. The opening up wounds that I had thought were long gone. The remembering of moments that I would much prefer to forget. And the thought rolling around in my heart and head at just how very much the Savior endured for me....for my sin.

So why am I once again in a Beth Moore study? Well, I have thought about that and it is in those moments of deepest inner turning that I am most changed. That is where He can do the most change in my heart. When I obey....even when I really, really, really don't want to! Ever had a moment like that? I have had far too many times to count.

Last night, we gathered for our first of 10 weeks as together we study the book of Esther. To hear Beth explain that she has had a season of not being able to "feel" "touch" "hear" or otherwise "see" God, she knows that she knows that He is with her. Like all of us, I too have had times of feeling like asking Him, "Are you SERIOUS!?" In fact, I HAVE asked Him that question. The answer is always the same...."Yes. I am serious." The choice to "go" with God a given situation or to "go" with self is always looming over me. Times of choosing Him have proven better for me than times of choosing MY way.

To know that I have a destiny is something I have always felt. The Lord has specific plans for me (for you too) and He is more than willing to show us these plans when we yield to Him and His will. To 'bend " to His will and way is something that this reed struggles with each day. If you are honest at all, you have a hard time "bending" as well......yielding to the One worth of all honor, praise and glory. But oh in those times when we do....WOW!

Looking forward to this study isn't something that my heart is feeling right now. It is more out of obedience that I am doing this. The whole idea of a Bible study with a bunch of women, lead by a woman, about a woman.....well, it's just overwhelming if I let it be. But this is what He is calling me too....it is what He has prepared me for. A ministry with other women, for women. Not exactly my cup of tea......after all, I prefer coffee!

It is with an open heart, a spirit of yielding and an intense love of the Lord that I accept whatever it is that He has planned for me. The Bible verse that is my life verse and that I have a tattoo of is Jeremiah 29 : 11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you. plans to bring you a future and a hope. Some of what He has reveal to me has scared the socks off of me. Some of them are mind boggling and a few are downright crazy! But....it isn't my plan, it isn't my life even. I belong to Him and I am His alone....Ia mnot my own, I was bought with a price and that price was the very life of Jesus. Broken and battered He took my place....took on my sin. So broken and battered I come to Him willing to do whatever the Father asks of me. What better example of following God is there, afterall, than Jesus Himself.

Looking forward to my homework with a grateful and expectant heart!