Week One of Esther

So as we head into the second week of study with Beth Moore (via video, of course), I opened my mouth and opened a can of worms. Such is the way I am, it seems. Anyway, in the video, Beth was describing how in today's world there are those women who have to be noticed (in a nutshell.....dangerous women), those who want to be noticed (basically.....desperate women) and those who are wanting to just hide and not be seen at all (bluntly put......terrified women). She said another one, but before I could hear it, I had raised my hand and started a commotion by saying something to the effect of "Right here, Sister!"

It went something like this: BETH: "Those who just want to hide and not be seen at all." As she takes a breath before continuing, I shoot my hand up and say. "Right here,Sister!" Then BETH: "These are terrified women." Can't you just picture it? Me with my hand in the air as Beth calls me out and calls me terrified! I love it!

Two of the gals at my table broke out in crazy laughter because they thought that I had raised my hand before I knew what was coming.....quite contrary, Girls. i thought she was going to say "These are scared women."

As my tablemates were laughing and giggling at the sight of me making a "blunder" by raising my hand......again, just trying to be honest.....my reply was, "Hey....just being honest." One gal sitting across from me, Sue, thought it was so funny that she was literally crying. The other gal that was getting a kick out of me being "busted" as she would later describe it to me....was my mother.

Now you would think that it would have occurred to me to not say a word, not raise a hand, since this sort of thing has happened to me many times before. Just sit there like everyone else was doing and just listen, maybe take a note now and again, maybe think of where else I could be right now and the four hundred other things I could be doing....just be like the others. For some reason, that just ain't my style.....and I learned that it wasn't Esther's style either. "Open mouth, insert foot".....a phrase my dad often used to describe me as I was growing up. If there is a person in the room that will be honest about the inner workings of the Lord in my heart (only when prompted by Him of course) often to the point of self-exposure (not something I am fond of).....yep, that's me! Not that I am apologizing for any actions as they were just raw emotion and I am, after all, in the Bible study to be changed. To be changed is to be honest with yourself and with those who have come along for the journey through the study of His Word. To be honest with the Lord and in the sight of Him as I search for the truth of His Word to take hold and transform my life...this is why I am there.

I am excited for the reward I will be getting for coming before Him boldly and asking for the changes that I need to take place in my heart. Never am I going to be ashamed or apologize to cry during a video tape as I did the other night, or for crying in church when I am moved by the Spirit, or for crying when I am brought to a place of spiritually sympathizing with a sister who is going through a tough time, even if that sympathy brings me to a place where I am feeling...really feeling her inner pain.

Who knows what the Lord has in store for us all in this study? None of us! Who knows what He has in store for me? I surely don't! I can however tell you this....whatever it is....it's gonna be good!

Stay tuned..........as I plan on staying tuned-in to the One who is worthy of all I have to offer (no matter how foolish others may think I am and no matter the cost to self )! It's gonna be GOOD!