Like I've Nothing to Give....

....ever feel that way?  Well, I have felt that way for some time now.  Seems like every time I turn around, the Lord is requiring that I give up a bit more of me.  Realizing that this is what is required to become more like Him, I still often struggle with giving up the secret inner things that keep me from Him.  Wanting to be a person who obeys Him, I will give it up when He asks, but I struggle for a bit before coming to that point of complete surrender in that particular area of my heart.

For instance, the Lord has been asking me to forgive others who inquire about my children's current state of rebellion and then offer advice...when in fact they do not even know what we have been through over the past 6 years or so.  They cannot understand the depth of heartache and pain, because for the most part we have keep our struggles ever before the Lord...and only occasionally present them openly to others.  Then there are those who have judged us....questioned our parenting "skills".....doubted our faith.....pointed fingers.....and even said to my face, "I pray daily that I never have to go through THAT with my child (children)."  My heart sinks when I hear things like this.  How my heart has longed to hear instead, "I pray daily for your children."

I have learned over this season of my life that God is more than able to uphold me with His mighty right hand.  He is more than willing to show me how to love beyond what I see....just as He does with me, really.  He, yes HE, knows the plans that He has for my children.....even when all else says otherwise, I choose to believe the truth of what He has shown me.

Was it really a coincident (of course, I believe it was was God's predestined plan) that so many years ago when I was pregnant with my son, that it was THEN that the Lord gave me the life verse for bringing up my children?  Jeremiah 29:11 is something that I prayed over them before they were born and literally almost daily since their births.  As of late, it is something that the Lord has sung over me as I have had to watch both of my children make some life choices that cause pain and hurt in so many ways.  HE is faithful....HE loves unconditionally....HE knows the secret pain that I hold in my heart and have to nearly daily release to Him, over and over and over again.

Prayer is not the least we can do...it is the MOST we can do.  For in praying, we are giving up once again that which we never really had in the first place.  Anything that is ours....was His first and is His still.  Even children are not ours...they too are His.  He gives them to us for a time to raise in the best manner we can....... and that is what we did.  Of course we have regrets for how we may have handled things in the past, of course we have questioned ourselves....I have even asked God, "Are you sure you wanted me to be a parent?  I kinda suck at this in case you hadn't noticed!"  He simply reminds me that He knows the plans he has for Zach and He knows the plans He has for Alyssa.  None of this is a surprise to Him...He has not once been caught off guard throughout ALL of this.  I have learned to release ALL things to Him as He asks and to rely completely and totally on Him for ALL.

Just as He asked Moses so long ago, He has asked of me, "Is there a limit to my power?"  The way in which I answer this question, each time it is asked of me...when doubts creep in, when people talk, when others question my abilities, etc etc.....THAT is what He is concerned with.  Do I really believe that He CAN change things?  That He can move in the lives of the ones I love that seem so very, very far from Him at this time?  When my heart is in the right place within Him and His will for my life, the answer is always, "No Lord. There is no limit to your power.  I believe that."  Other times, I struggle a bit with an occasional, "But...".  He is quick to ask again, "Is there a limit to my power?"  Sometimes it takes a bit of time in prayer to move my heart in the right direction, but really....isn't that what faith is all about?  Trusting when I cannot see what is coming next?  He is more than able to do far and above all that I can imagine....so maybe at times of doubt, I need to imagine a bit bigger than I have been and ask myself, "What areas do I put a limit on God's power in my life?"  It has been a eye-open experience to ask Him to reveal to me those area that I need to release to Him....trust Him in.

Praying for you today that He would help you to answer that question as well. He is asking you today, "Is there a limit to my power?"  If your answer, like mine, is "But...", I pray that you would release that to Him and find comfort in knowing that there really is no limit to His power.  I look forward to hearing from some of you as to what it is that He reveals to you as you release more and more of your heart and life to Him.  Blessings!

My "Word" for 2012

Each year, I ask the Lord to give me a word that He desires for me to walk in for the year.  In the past, my word has been "pray", "rest", "believe" just to name a few.  He has used these words each year to bring a new understanding of Him, of me and of others into my life.  This year, I have been seeking Him for the "word" He would have for me.  Today, during my prayer time, that word was revealed.  The word?  "SERVE".  It is with great anticipation that I look forward to how He will bring this word to fruition in my life and who He will bring into my life to assist in the things He has for them and for me through serving.  Very excited!  Can I get a "Whoot"?

Getting Real

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EiV4yRdw04

This song (click on link above to listen/view video of this song) perfectly expresses how I have been feeling now for the past few months.  It is in silence that He has spoken the loudest to me over these past few months....and for this I am grateful.  As you are probably aware, it is in the areas of our giftings that the enemy loves to attach; and this is exactly what has been happening in my heart and in my life since early 2011.

At a conference I attended earlier this year, I took on a challenge to read only the Bible for thirty days.  This was the beginning of something much bigger than I thought it would be.  Have you ever had moments of questioning?  Well, I pretty much have been questioning pretty much everything in my life.  From "Why and I really here?" to "Did I raise my children well?" to "Am I gonna continue to go around the same mountain again and again and again?" to "Ugh....I will never be used for the things He has for me."  to "Why bother?".  Not wanting to sound sad or depressed, because it really wasn't anything like that.  It was a deep soul searching....moments of being real before Him in ways that I never have before.  Just me and Him.  No one else probably even knew what was going on (until now)....no one probably even cared (until now)....and I believe that is the way He wanted it to be (until now)......just the two of us.  I question; He answers.  Then He questions and I answer.  Honestly, deeply, unashamedly and unabashedly completely open to what He has for me.  

It is only now that I am ready for the things He has in store for me for the next season of my life.  Only now that He has prepared me for the things that He desires to do in me.  Still, there is an underlying "wait".  This is the reason this song fits my life so perfectly right now.  Waiting......it is not at all a game....for me it is a lifestyle.  Really, for me it is the only way to life....waiting on and waiting for Him.  An anticipation like no other.  A love like no other..... so I continue to.....wait.....

Honestly Waiting

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EiV4yRdw04

This song perfectly expresses how I have been feeling now for the past few months.  It is in silence that He has spoken the loudest to me over these past few months....and for this I am grateful.  As you are probably aware, it is in the areas of our giftings that the enemy loves to attach; and this is exactly what has been happening in my heart and in my life since early 2011.

At a conference I attended earlier this year, I took on a challenge to read only the Bible for thirty days.  This was the beginning of something much bigger than I thought it would be.  Have you ever had moments of questioning?  Well, I pretty much have been questioning pretty much everything in my life.  From "Why and I really here?" to "Did I raise my children well?" to "Am I gonna continue to go around the same mountain again and again and again?" to "Ugh....I will never be used for the things He has for me."  to "Why bother?".  Not wanting to sound sad or depressed, because it really wasn't anything like that.  It was a deep soul searching....moments of being real before Him in ways that I never have before.  Just me and Him.  No one else probably even know what is going on (until now)....no one probably even cared (until now)....and I believe that is the way He wanted it to be (until now)......just the two of us.  I question; He answers.  Then He questions and I answer.  Honestly, deeply, unashamedly and unabashedly completely open to what He has for me.  

It is only now that I am ready for the things He has in store for me for the next season of my life.  Only now that He has prepared me for the things that He desires to do in me.  Still, there is an underlying "wait".  This is the reason this song fits my life so perfectly right now.  Waiting......it is not at all a game....for me it is a lifestyle.  Really, for me it is the only way to life....waiting on and waiting for Him.  An anticipation like no other.  A love like no other..... so I continue to.....wait.....

SSMT Verse 22

Galatians 5:1
 ¹ It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

SSMT Verse #21

Here is the newest verse I am memorizing. 


Psalm 139:23
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.


Lately, I have been anxious.  Not really anxious in a "Ugh" sort of way, or in a "Hurry up, hurry up! sort of way either.   Just more or less anxious about the things that I know He has planned for me.   Lately, I have been hearing more clearly from Him about the things that He wants me to be a part of.  While this is true, there is also an understanding that He has made we aware of....that I must be patient and move only when He says to do so.  I guess you could say I am restless.  It is a restlessness to do those things that He has called me to do.  While I have learned a long time ago, that the best time is in His timing, so I am remaining in Him, listening and waiting for Him to let me know what the next step is and when I should take it.  You see, sometimes, all He is asking you to do......is wait.  Thus, my second memory verse for this month.  


Father, today I ask that you search me, that you know my heart Lord.  I long to be all that You call me to be, Father.  Help me to be patient and to trust You and your perfect timing.  Holy Spirit, comfort me and soothe my restless heart and my anxious thoughts.  Thank you for Your Word, Father.  Help me as I memorize this potion and may it be used for your glory! In Jesus name I pray, AMEN!

SSMT Verse 21

A few days late....okay a week to be more honest about it....but here at last is my verse to memorize between now and the 15th of this month.  The great part is that it is helping me to get His Word into my heart, not just in my head.

Philippians 1:9-11
⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, ¹¹filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.