Blessed, Indeed!

So today, there I was at work doing the "Paintgirl" thing when the phone rings. At the time, I was in the middle of five orders totally over 300 gallons of paint that I had pulled from the piles in the warehouse and was in the process of tinting into the colors needed for each order. Busy, crazy to say the least! Anyway, I answer the phone, and it is my hubby calling to tell me that he is praying for me today and that he loves me and wanted me to know that he appreciates all that I do for our family and for him. He even added, "You are doing a great job and I wanted you to know that what you do each day is important." I soooooo needed to hear this as that very moment. To know that what I do makes a difference...not only in my life, and in the life of my family members, but in the lives of those I come in contact with each day. After finishing our conversation, I began to once again tint the orders before me. This is when the doubts hit me:

~He's your husband, of course he is going to say that!

~He wants something, otherwise, why the sudden show of emotion?

~You aren't really making a difference anywhere, let alone here.

This is when I stated boldly outloud (not something I do often)........"What I do does make a difference! I am appreciated and I know that God has a plan for me for today.......yes, even for this very second!" Amazing what a difference this made! The Lord took those words, spoken out in defense of what I know He says about me, and He blessed me for changing the things that I was about to believe.

While it is true that all Christians know and believe the truth of God's Word. The truth that He will win the war, but I gotta say, it feels pretty good when I allow Him to win my mini- battles as well! Thank You Father for Your Word. Thank You, Jesus for Your sacrifice. And than You Holy Spirit, for Your encouragement!

Simple Prayer.....Simple Changes

In July, I attended a Jewelry Lady Rally in Texas. Since the company I represent is a Biblically Based company, it is sort of like a business meeting meets Women of Faith event. While there, a lovely Jewelry Lady named Beverly Terrell, shared a prayer that she says each morning as she starts her day with the Lord. She challenged us to start out day out this way and "see what God can do with you".

Here is the prayer:

"Father, today, help me to change my mind about the things that You and I don't agree upon."

Wow! I can hardly believe the way that this simple prayer has helped me to re-align my heart and mind to be more like His. Many mornings, this is the only part of my prayers that I get out and He is faithful to show me something that I need to surrender to Him and align with His plan and His way. He has helped me to be more patient with those who challenge me in negative ways. He has helped me to remember that I once was lost and in need of a Saviour and so rather than judge another, He has taught me to pray for them. These little changes in my heart and mind have helped me to see the things around me in the way that He wants me to see them.

How about you? Are you ready to take on the challenge and pray in this way? If so, please let me know how it changes YOU as I know you will be encouraged in your walk when you realign your ways to His ways, your plans to His plans, your thoughts to His thoughts, your perspective to His perspective.

Father today, help me to change my mind about the things that You and I don't agree upon. In Jesus name, AMEN

After All of These Years

So Sunday afternoon after church, I needed to go to Newport to get a prescription that wasn't ready when I got off work on Saturday. Anyway, Dale had decided to go with me and so on the way there we had decided to eat at the Pig-N-Pancake. I know, I know....funny name but an OK breakfast for the price. When we arrived at the restaurant, they were really busy, as usual on Sunday afternoons. We were seated at a table that was one of many in a string of tables. On one side of the tables was a long bench that went the length of the wall, and the other side of the tables were chairs. Dale sat on the bench side and I was seated on the chair across from him. We were seated between two families: one with two children and one with one young boy. It was a bit tight and we felt a bit confined, but we were there to eat so no big deal.

After being served our coffee, we soon found ourselves alone after the families seated at the tables close to us finished their meals and left. As people began to clear out, we were served our breakfast and began the process of buttering the pancakes, etc. The radio was playing in the background and as is not unusual, Dale began to sing along with the radio. I was pouring syrup on my pancakes and the waitress was clearing a table next to us. I realized that Dale wasn't just singing, but that he was singing to me! Then I realized what song he was singing. It was a song by Eric Clapton and it dawned on me that he was singing the song TO me when it came to the line in the song that goes, "And then she asked me,' Do I look alright.' and I said, 'Yes, you look wonderful tonight." At this point he continued singing and was at the point when the song goes, "And the wonder of it all, is you just don't realize how much I love you." At the moment I look up from my pancakes the waitress lets out a "Ohhhhhhhhhhh, how sweet!" and as I look at my hubby of more than 24 years, I am taken back to our wedding day. I have a picture that was taken of Dale just as I began to walk down the aisle and he sees me for the first time on our wedding day. It is a sweet picture of him and his eyes are so expressive. I LOVE this picture and it makes me cry each time I look at it. Always has.

Anyway, so there I am in the Pig-N-Pancake, Dale continuing to sing to me, and what do I do? I kick him under the table, my face turns red and a say to him, "What are you doing?!" He says, "I'm letting you know how much I love you. I don't think you realize how much I love you." Now, he has I tear in his eye and here we are in the Pig-N-Pancake weepy-eyed and falling in love a bit more than we were a moment ago. He smiled with a tear still stick in his eye and says, "I really do love you ya' know. I mean I LOVE you! More today than yesterday and more tomorrow than today."

It was a "moment" for sure. As we left the restaurant to go about the rest of our day, we walked hand and hand to our care and I realized just how much I love him. Sometimes it seems that my life gets so busy and so crazy that I forget how truly blessed I am. How truly blessed my marriage is and how very under-grateful I am at times for the man that God has placed in my life. By all human standards, I should have married someone very different than the God-fearing man that the Lord gave me. But He had a different plan for my life, and for that I am ever so grateful!

That afternoon at the Pig-N-Pancake, the Lord helped me to realize just how very blessed my life has been since following Him. There have of course been moments of struggle, of up-hill climbing and of hanging on for dear life to the hem of His robe, but all-in-all, He has proven to me time and time again that like my hubby (but much more than that even) He is saying to me, "You just don't realize how much I love you." Thank you Lord for loving me eternally and for providing for me a husband that loves me while I'm here on the earth.

My Father's Arms

Luke 15:20 "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

Most of us know or have heard about this scripture found in the book of Luke, and if we are born- again believers in Christ, we too have experienced the undeserved, overwhelming feeling of acceptance found in the Father's arms. Many of us have a personal story of trying things our own way, trying to "go it alone" and "do what we want to do, where we want to and when we want to....even with who we want to". Even though my personal life story doesn't have an addiction or a habitual sin that kept me from feeling like my Father's daughter, I still had a very pivotal moment in which I had to put aside my pride, put aside my selfishness and my determinations and hand it over to the Lord. What I have found is that this is not a one time thing that I must do.

Initially, it was comforting to know that because I have placed my trust in Him that I would go to heaven when I die. Assurance of my eternal destination was a real comfort for my soul in those early years as a believer. Now that I have walked with the Lord for a bit over 25 years, I look back on my life and am sooooo amazed at the times in my life when I have had to go to my Father and ask for forgiveness and in all manner of being humble say once again, "Father, I have sinned against You and against heaven and I am not worthy to be called your daughter." He is ever faithful to pick me up in His arms and hold me close to Himself and assure me once again that He loves me...100% and 100% of the time. It boggles my mind to think that the hands that hold the world, the hands that created the universe and placed each star in the sky....are the same hands that pick me up, draw me in and love me beyond words once again.

The past two years have brought me some of the most difficult and stretching moments in my life. I have grown in my faith, been challenged in my devotion, had to look up and trust Him more each day, seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness in ways I have never imagined, endure more than I thought I was capable of all the while relying on Him completely. He has provided, encouraged, inspired, loved, and cared more than I thought possible. I have trusted, believed, and grown more than I thought personally possible. Every step of the way, I can say with confidence that He is my Rock, my Salvation and my Saviour....yes, He is my Father. He waits patiently for me, is jealous for me and loves me beyond compare. My circumstances all fade when I look to Him and the cross in which He took the punishment for my sin.

Through the valley of the shadows of death that have surrounded me, He has comforted me. My heart is full of hope and I know that I know that I know that I KNOW.....His ways are better than my ways and His love for those I love is far greater than the love I have for them. My heart is light in the Lord as I seek each moment of each day to focus on Him and the bigger picture that only He can see.

At times, I had felt as though everything I held dear had been taken from me...one by one. First, my son comes to me and tells me news that most Christian parents are overtaken by. But the Lord prepared me in advance (a story in and of itself) and I have been able to love as unconditionally as a mother humanly can.

Next, the Lord asked me to stop leading the high school youth group. My heart was a mess, because this is a ministry that I held very dear to my heart.....but I obeyed and He reassured my heart that this was not a resignation....but rather a reassignment. His ways are higher than my ways, after all.

Then my daughter began her 15Th year, and she faced unimaginable changes and challenges. We are still in the process of dealing with choices made, and without the Lord guiding me, I know I would not have been able to endure this either.

Next, last March, my dad passed away. As my earthly father, my dad and I had faced many challenges of our own throughout our lives as father and daughter. I am so very thankful that the Lord gave me an obedient heart (for the most part) and asked me to deal with the hard issues between my dad and I. When my dad passed away, it was such a relief to be able to let him go without any hard feelings or unsolved issues between us. What a blessing that was from the Lord....for both of us.

Drawing closer to Him has helped me to deal with these issues and many, many more throughout these past few years. The testimony I have been able to gain from this is: He is faithful when I fully place my heart and life completely into His hands and allow Him to cradle me in His loving arms. Truly, I am a wayward daughter come home to the Father waiting with open arms! Grateful that He loves me as only He can. Thankful that He is faithful in all ways, always.

Isaiah 49:16

"See, I have engraven you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me."

The other night I couldn't sleep. I got up, went into the bathroom and I began to read in Isaiah. As I came across this verse, the Lord brought to my mind a time when I tried to lock Him (and everyone else) out of the hurt and wounded places of my heart. He gave me a vision of myself building a brick wall....rather a brick room. As I frantically placed brick after brick, stacking a new one upon the ones before, I began to make a tall, circular tower around myself. As I built, the wall spiraled closer and closer inward, and I continued to build higher and higher until at last I was tightly encased in the tower I had constructed. Quickly, I placed the last few bricks into place to make a ceiling and climbed into my safe and secret cocoon. The tower was so close to me that I could touch each side by simply putting one hand slightly stretched out on each side of my body. As I breathed a sigh of relief, I heard within the tower, a quiet and familiar voice say to me, "I'm still here." I realized from this vision that the more I try to close God out, the more aware I am of just how close to me He is.

As I read this scripture from Isaiah, I wondered...."Am I doing this again?" I began to pray about it and the Lord brought to my heart my nephew Eric, who lives in Portland. Eric is a tattoo artist, and recently he and his wife Apol added a new member to their family. My great-nephew, Conrad, now has a little sister named Eloise. One of the first things Eric did was to get a tattoo of a heart with a banner across it that says "Eloise". He also has a sandscript tattoo of the word "danger" on his wrist. Conrad's middle name is Danger, and Eric got this tattoo shortly after Conrad's birth. You see, Eric placed the names of his children on his arm as a way to show his loyalty to his children. The Lord has my name etched on his hand as a symbol of the devotion He has to me. I believe it is written in the palm of his hand as this is where He hold me all of the time.....in the palm of His hand.

As I prayed for clarity of the second half of this scripture, I had read it as "your (meaning His) walls are ever before me (meaning me)." As I prayed, He spoke to my heart and said, "No. Read it again." I read it again, "See, I have engraven you on the palm of my hands; your walls are ever before me." Wait a minute! HE has engraven ME on the palms of His hands (both of His hands...not just one) and MY walls are ever before HIM. See, I had read this wrong. Like a bolt of lightening, my heart was brought to a place of repentance. Once again, I have been building walls around myself as a means of protecting myself against my emotions and feelings being exposed. Transparency is a blessing. It is a way for me to let others see the hurts that effect me and to allow God to grow me through the process of healing that He brings when I open myself to Him. It is also painful, as most are not willing to endure the transparency that comes with transparency, so to speak.

Having a Parallel Bible, I read the same passage in The Message version. Wow! Get this! "Look, I've written your names on the palms of my hands. The walls you are rebuilding are never out of my sight. Your builders are faster than your wreckers. The demolition crews are gone for good!" How often have I built a wall? Ones that go between me and God. Ones that go between me and others. And even ones that go between my heart and my emotions. I often buy into the lie that if I am exposed, others will think I am weak...or that I am not trusting God wholeheartedly. However, when I allow Him to hold me in the palms of His hands, it is there that I am safest....even when completely exposed. For it is then that He can be my shelter, my cover, my....dare I say it and mean it....my TOWER!

Today, I am still amazed by the revelation of this truth. I know the Bible is speaking of the walls of Jericho, but sometimes, I am trapped within the walls I have build around myself. And to think that my walls are ever before Him...that He sees them, knows they are there and loves me from within those walls....WOW! I love The Message version, as it brings such encouragement to my heart. The builders are faster than the wreckers! How often I have believed the lie that I am making no progress at all? Or that I am a hopeless cause when it comes to the secret struggles I face? NO! I will no longer believe these lies! The truth is that as I allow Him to change me from the inside out, slowly but surely, I am being changed. It is the small changes within....the thousand that take place from moment to moment in my heart.....that make for noticeable changes on the outside. By His grace we are saved, and by His hand we are upheld, by His love we are redeemed and by His guidance, we are restored!

How wonderful to know, that The God of all Creation loves me, cares for me and had "Yvette" engraved on His hands....the same hands that hold me and lift me up. The same hands that took the nails for my sins, my transgressions and my failures.

"Thank you Lord, for Your love, compassion and sacrifice. Guide me in Your ways and teach me so that I may be a light for You in the dark places....even when those dark places are so very close to my heart, hidden from others but so visible by You, my invisible but ever present Lord. Amen"

Crazy!

Wow! I must be doing something right, as there are so many things this past week and a half that could have been considered wrong if my heart was not in the right place. Make any sense?

Let's start out with the toothache. Beginning last Thursday, my tooth had a slight reaction to sugar-y things. OK, so just don't eat sugar, right? Right! By Friday I couldn't eat at all and my headache was so bad, I left my work to go to the walk-in clinic since my Dentist couldn't see me until Monday. I knew it was bad because I have only taken one sick day from work in the past 11 years.

OK, there I was sitting in the waiting room of the walk-in clinic, jaw in hand head pounding from the pain and Zach by my side in case I needed someone to drive me home. Three hours in the lobby, ten minutes in the office and they wrote me a prescription for a pain meds. They told me to take two at first since the pain was unbearable. I had rated the toothache at a nine on a scale of 1-10....and I consider natural childbirth to be an eight on the pain scale. Anyway, took the meds, had Zach drive me home and got ready for a jewelry show that night. I arrived at my Hostess' home and began to set things up, when all of a sudden, it hit me. I became nauseated and dizzy. Once the Guests arrived, I conducted the entire Home Show from my seat with a few times of heading to the bathroom to either get sick to my stomach, or have a false alarm. All of the ladies in attendance were very gracious and even helped me pack up my things and load them into my car. The Hostess called my hubby to come and get me as they did not want me driving home alone.......neither did I! Man, was I sick! It was determined that I had had a reaction to the pain meds.

Saturday, I attended the Ladies' Luncheon at our church and was able to endure the pain long enough to sit through a two hour luncheon. I had to endure the worst pain of my life for the remainder of the weekend. I tried to sleep as much as possible, and my family allowed me the time to do so. Along about Saturday afternoon, I developed a migraine on top of the toothache! Now, I was really hurting, to say the least. This brings us to Sunday.....no church for me, just more rest.

Monday morning, I went to work and then to the Dentist for two hours and then due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to go back to work and stay until close (7pm). Forgot to mention, that the first two tries to deaden my tooth failed and I felt the drilling of the nerve! OK, now that pain from the weekend just got topped! Yikes! After the FOURTH set of shots, I was numb enough not to feel it and did my best to be a great patient and just make it through the root canal I had to have (my sixth one in my life).

Tuesday was pretty much a break for me. Just had to work from 8am-7pm with a migraine....piece of cake at this point!

This brings us to Wednesday. After working all day, I was still in some pain from the trauma of a root canal. so I was planning on heading to bed when I realized my daughter was still on the phone with her boyfriend. Dale asked her to get off the phone, and she reacted and that started a HUGE argument. There were many things that came out during that fight, secrets that she had been keeping from me, thoughts that she had been having and after throwing a piece of trimboard into a mirror that was a few feet from me, I had no choice but to call the Sheriff and hope that they could help talk some sense into her. They arrived, but because no one was injured, they did not arrest her or take her out of the home. They did site her with a few things, and then they left. About 20 minutes later, they had to come back because she had escalated again and this was the worse she has been. The only thing I could do is call the Sheriff again and pray that the Lord would intervene. The officers came, and because she had bitten Dale this time, they took her in handcuffs to juvenile detention. They held her for 36 hours and we had a meeting with her counselor prior to her release into our custody on Friday morning. Due to her history of anger and violence toward us in the past, she will have to go before the Judge at the end of the month and could get probation well past her 18Th birthday. She may have to serve community service and/or more time in detention.....all up to the Judge. She came home on Friday after this meeting. She is remorseful and I pray she is willing to work on the things she needs to work on. I know that if she gets her priorities straight, she will do fine. When God isn't at the center of your life, your whole life spins out of control, as some of us have had to learn the hard way.

Here it is Saturday and we had a lovely time attending Zach's play in Yachats. He did a great job and is sooooooo funny! My migraine is gone and my tooth is healing and I pray that my heart is on the mend as well. I know that the Lord in in control, and that He knew of all of these things long before they took place.

The thing that was tough is that I had to be at work all day, every day throughout most of these trials......usually from 8-7. I prayed a lot and really felt the presence of the Lord upon me. He is my strength and I am so glad that He was there with me through it all. I KNOW that without Him, I would have fainted under the weight and pressure of this week. God is good and His plans are for my good. He knows what's in store for me, and when I choose to look to Him for the guidance I need to get me through, I can overcome many stumbling blocks that seemed impossible at the onset. Praise Jesus!

Here are the words to a song that helped me greatly as I struggled to understand the reason why my kids, in particular, are being tested in so many ways. If you (or someone you love) are wrestling with your day to day struggles, please take comfort in these words:

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes,
And make a new beginning

Anyone ca feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But your stronger
Stronger than you know

Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

(CHORUS)
I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken heart become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason
For someone not to try

Everybody's scared to death
When they decide tot take that step
Out on the water
Bur it will be alright

Life is so mush more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing!

(CHORUS)

To overcome the odds
"You don't stand a chance"
When the world says ,"You can't"
It'll tell you that you can!

(CHORUS)

In closing, I am reminded of the Scripture that speaks so deep n my soul this evening:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

"Have Faith"

Confusion and disruption

My heart is all askew

Turned upside down and inside out

Not knowing what to say or do!

My heart is a mess, Lord

What then shall I do?

It's hurting and aching

And longing for You.

But you seem distant

Far, far out of view

I cannot feel You near me

Let alone see a glimpse of You.

"Have faith", my dear child

I faint can hear You say

So through prayer I talk with you

Every night and every day.

There I pour out my thoughts

My concerns and feelings too

Having faith that You are listening...

That You'll tell me what to do.

Yet I feel and hear nothing

No response from You

This, in my heart, is how I feel

Yet I know that You are true.

True to Your children

And true to Your Word

so, I press in a bit closer

Is that really You I just heard?

Sometimes I feel You

Sometimes I hear You

Sometimes I am just lonely

Wondering what I should do.

Faith is a mystery

A gift from You to me

Embracing it completely

Sets me completely free.

So with teary eyes and openness

My heart to You fully exposed

I come to You, My Father,

This mess now to dispose.

Fully, You welcome me

Taking me in Your arms

This is the only place I'm safe

Completely free of harm.

The answers are not here just yet,

The ones that plague my heart

But I know that when I come to You

You are faithful to do Your part.

Loving me, and teaching me

Holding me against Your chest

Knowing You see the bigger picture

And will take care of all the rest.

Will I do this? Will I trust?

Once again will I seek your face?

Or will I simply push You out

And let worry occupy Your space?

Face to the floor, I cry out again

Once again seeking Your embrace

Knowing that You are faithful

To wipe all of the tears from my face.

Knowing You are with me

Is a comfort for my heart

So I come to You and cry to You

Knowing You'll give me a new start.

Refreshed and feeling better

I scarce can leave this place

For fear of having to once again

Be left with this life to face.

"Have faith, Dear one. Be not dismayed"

You whisper in my ear

And that is when I know for sure

That it is my Father that I hear!

Thank You, Lord for loving me

And helping me make it through

A rough time, a hard time..for they are

Simply times I'm brought to You!

Head up, eyes up

And heart lift up too

I am ready to face the hardships

For through faith all things lead to You!

This is a poem I wrote during a difficult time of seeking the Lord for an answer to some questions I have had to face over the course of the past few years. Not knowing what the answers were to be, and being unable to discuss my heartache with anyone who might "understand", I was forced to seek the Lord as never before.

Night after night and day after day, I have been seeking Him with the heartache that doesn't seem to subside. With each step along the way, He has shown me that He is more than faithful.............He is the Faithful One. He is the Protector of Hearts, He is the One Who Comforts like no other, He is the Wiper of Tears, the Holder of Hearts and the Mighty and Faithful Father that loves me more than I can think or imagine. He was there for me on so many occasions when I knew He was there.........and He was present during times when I didn't realize He was with me. He has taken me down paths that I know without Him would have ruined me. He has prepared my heart at times and at other times, He has protected it. He is the One who sees it all, but loves me enough to only show me bits and pieces along the way as to not overwhelm me from the sheer greatness of what is to come from the tragedy I may soon be facing.

Throughout these past few years of struggles and trials, He has shown Himself True! As I think back, I cannot help but ask myself, "Knowing what I know today, if I had it to do these past few years all over again....would I?" First response, the answer is......"Um, probably not!" But then again, as I dig deeper within myself for a deeper answer and I am totally honest before Him, I can say....."No". Why? Because then I would have missed out on this opportunity to grow in Him like never before. Yes, I would have liked to have spared the heartache that all of this has caused in the lives of those I hold dear, I would have to say that these struggles and situations have made all of us stronger. Dale and I have had our faith tested, our nerves wracked and on some levels, it seemed all hope was dashed. But together and individually, the Lord has been and continues to show us that He is here! He is in the middle of all of this struggle, strife and heartache. He is still Lord in this home....still wanting my children to repent and seek Him once again as they once did. And I can now say with all honest that I have hope that He is not finished with us all yet! Until our last breath on this earth, each one of us makes a moment by moment decision to follow Him or not. As for me, I choose Him! As for my house, I am prayerfully saying "We will serve the Lord." Maybe not all of us at this moment, maybe not all of us this day.....but my hope, my prayers and my faith are placed completely with Him. That even when we aren't faithful....He is.